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[Exorcism]
Bah, Holidays!

Michael Kaarhus
05:08 Wednesday, Dec. 19, AD 2018 GMT
Shangri La

This is my article favoring Christmas over Holidays and Seasons, in which I argue that progressive gods are more potent than they might seem at first.

It is seldom observed that, from a Christocentric point of view, Christmas, the Church season, is more comprehensive than the Holidays. Christmas extends from Christmas Eve through Epiphany, encompassing Christmas, New Years and then some.

If one includes Hanukkah, then the Holidays is comprehensive in the other direction. But, the more holidays that the Holidays cover, the less exact the term becomes. One wonders, which? If we were to reduce this ad absurdum, we might call the whole year the Holidays, and leave people guessing which one we have in mind.

Holidays functions as a pronoun, referring to certain days that certain people observe during a certain part of the year. It’s vague. We can’t prepare well for the Holidays, until we know which one. That doesn’t stop us. Even though one might show up for a Hanukkah celebration in a Santa hat, carrying a stuffed reindeer with sleigh bells, we follow progressive gods in this matter—secularism and political correctness—which insist that we refer to all December-January holidays as one.

We have holiday parties, holiday greetings, holiday schedules, holiday music, holiday art, holiday decor, holiday celebrations, holiday lights, holiday fare, holiday drinks, holiday wishes, holiday giving, holiday attire, etc. Here in Shangri La, they do away with holiday, and hold a Winter Festival. This is not without precedent; for how long have we been exchanging Season’s Greetings? But observe that, inasmuch as we thus try to please progressive gods, the more that those gods control our observance of the Holidays and the Season, and also the words of our greetings; our festivities and observances become further separated from Jesus.

For instance, United Airlines both defines Holiday Adornments, and limits which ones its personnel can wear. United prohibits stewardesses from wearing “antlers, Santa hats, haloes, Holiday vests or sweaters, Holiday aprons or Holiday hosiery”. But they can wear a “conservative holiday scarf” and “conservative earrings”. United Airlines men can wear a “conservative holiday tie” and “one holiday pin”. As Archie Bunker would say, “Whoop de-do.”

At United, holiday attire must be “conservative”, as in, “Don we now our con-ser-va-tive ap-par-el, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la la la!”

[Scrooge]

Uh, wait a minute. Our apparel is supposed to be “gay” during Christmastide.

In the lyrics of Deck the Halls, which are from the sixteenth century, when gay had a different meaning than it does today, we find a valid synonym for Christmas: Yule, and for Christmastide: Yuletide. So, here is another way to say Happy Christmas:

“Happy Yuletide!”

It might slip past progressive speech gestapo, whose job is to make sure that Christmas never escapes our lips. Or our keyboards. But be careful about,

“Merry Yuletide!”

To progressive speech gestapo, Merry is a dead giveaway that one has Christmas in mind. During the Holidays, we must never wish anyone merriment, only happiness; No one says, “Merry Holidays!” Too Christmassy for progressive gods.

Here’s another valid workaround:

“Happy Noel!”

Noel is French for Christmas. Might slip past. But be wary of,

“Joyeux Noel!”

“Joyful” is another dead giveaway; no one says “Joyful Holidays!” Too Christian. So we find that progressive gods are against merriment, Joy and Christmas. They permit happiness, holidays and seasons. And any expressions thereof must be conservative. Of course, they also permit festivities, and have from antiquity. However, festivities that honored gods were not particularly helpful, neither to the Greeks nor the Romans.

Thus, progressive gods are more potent than they might at first seem; they have to some extent made certain things unacceptable, that only half a century ago were accepted always, everywhere in Christendom, by everyone; quod semper, quod ubique, quod ab omnibus. And they try to make festivities acceptable, that honor seasons—no-gods. If we can’t honor Jesus, can’t we at least honor honorable persons? Mary, for instance, or Joseph? Too religious for you? Okay then, how about Socrates, or Cyrus? Honorable persons are more worthy of celebration than seasons. To wit, did Dean Martin ever roast Autumn?

It follows, incidentally, that the carol most despised by progressive gods would be God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. Not only does it refer to some unspecified gentlemen as merry, it also points their minds toward “comfort and joy”—things which we men do not merit, according to the gods. It honors Christ our Savior—their competition—and recalls to mind that He was “born on Christmas Day to save us all ...” “Hateful!”, say the gods, pollice verso. It seems at first to leave women out, except of course for “His Mother Mary”, the “pure Virgin bright”, whom we rightly expect to be feted during Christmastide. What would Christmas be without her? But, the gods don’t realize that the “all” in “born on Christmas Day to save us all” includes women, and that this carol could have been written by a woman—one with a Christian, not a feminist attitude toward men. The carol dates from the sixteenth century, and the author of its lyrics is unknown.

Perhaps its most damning lines are:

This holy tide of Christmas
All other doth deface.

Christmas is the greatest!

Have a peaceful Christmas, all ye of good will.

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